Tan Ah Beng jokes

Act 1

Ah Beng (to a long-distance telephone operator): “COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND Las Vegas?”
Operator : “JUST A MINUTE…”
Ah Beng : “THANK YOU,” and puts down the phone.

 

Act 2

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng’s left tells the bartender, “JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE” and his companion says, “JACK DANIELS, SINGLE”.
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks,”AND YOU, SIR?”
Ah Beng replies : “Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED.”

 

Act 3

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, “I WAS IRONING A SHIRT AND THE PHONE RING, BUT INSTEAD OF PICKING UP THE PHONE, I ACCIDENTLY PICKED UP THE IRON AND STUCK IT TO MY EAR.”
“OH DEAR!” the doctor examined in disbelief. “BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER EAR?”
“THAT STUPID DUMB CALLED BACK!”

 

Act 4

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he’d been working on for quite sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. “IT TOOK ME ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT,” Ah Beng brags.
“FIVE MONTHS? THAT’S TOO LONG.” the friend exclaims. “YOU ARE A FOOL”.
Ah Beng replies, “SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN ‘FOR 4-7 YRS’.”

 

Act 5

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

 

Act 6

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems.
He decided to use the ‘Help’ command after some tries.
Soon after he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : “I PRESSED THE ‘F1’ KEY FOR HELP… BUT IT’S BEEN OVER HALF AN HOUR & STILL NOBODY HAS COME TO HELP ME….”

 

Act 7

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : “Do you have color TV?”
Salesgirl : “Yes!”
Ah Beng : “Give me a green one, please.”

 

Act 8

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address, etc.
Then he comes to column on “Salary Expected”, but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes “Yes”

 

Act 9

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

 

Act 10

Why can’t Ah Beng dial 911? Because he can’t find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

 

Act 11

Ah Beng is dying in hospital next to a dying English-man.
Both of them are in a coma when they both suddenly awake and look at each other and the English-man say “Bob” and Ah beng replies “Ah-beng”
….
They both collapsed back into a coma…
They both suddenly awake again and Bob say “London”
and Ah-Beng replies “Singapore”…
They both collapsed back into a coma….
They both suddenly awake again and Bob say “Cancer”
and Ah-Beng replies “Taurus” …
and they both die.

 

By |2014-08-29T22:21:46+00:0024 Apr 2004|Funny Stuff|1 Comment

One Comment

  1. ritanichols 05 Jun 2013 at 9:29 am - Reply

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